I hate to admit this, the past few weeks have been quite hectic for me. I’ve been trying to balance work, exercise, dating, my social life, my family and writing this blog. As a result, my Match prospects have been dwindling to mostly undesirables – too old, bad hairlines, poor spellers. Maybe it’s time to give it a facelift, add some new photos and rewrite my profile, but that is one more task I have to add to the never ending to-do-list. Sigh.
Having avoided checking my Match profile in over a week, I decided to check my messages. To my surprise, I had a message from a guy who looked a little older in his profile picture, but he was only two years my senior. I glanced at his photos and noticed that two of them were professionally shot (not a good sign) and the other was a bathroom selfie. To be completely honest, the bathroom selfie gave him a green light. Everyone should know that professional photos are an absolute no-no for your online dating profile. To be frank, I would rather catch a glimpse of a facial feature that shows some character, like a scar from your childhood or a wrinkle in your brow.
We had a few email exchanges and he didn’t waste any time letting me know it was okay to converse. I quickly obliged. Over the past few weeks, I have discovered that it is sometimes best to have a conversation. As long as they can formulate a grammatically sound sentence and spell correctly, a potential suitor can get a pass on the email exchange. Our conversation was brief. His words were rapid, not sure if it was out of nervousness or high energy. Before I could conjure up a question, he invited me to lunch the next day. Dang, I thought to myself. This dude is definitely on a mission.
We agreed to meet for lunch near my job. I wasn’t particularly feeling well that day and starting cramping an hour before our date. My co-worker gave me some pain medication and I started to feel better just moments before I arrived.
As I walked to the restaurant, I had this strange feeling that I was being watched, but shook it off. I opened the door, strolled in, did a quick look around and did not see him. Swiftly turning around, I saw that he was getting out of his car and had been sitting out there the whole time. I walked outside and he ran up to me and greeted me awkwardly with a hug. Immediately, I noticed that his head wasn’t as massive as the professional photos made it look and he had two cyst-like pimples on each side of his temples that had obviously been airbrushed.
“It’s nice to meet you finally,” my date spoke.
“Yes, you’re a real cutie,” the pimple on his right temple interjected.
“She’s alright, but she’s not Halle Berry,” the left pimple retorted. I shook my head in disbelief.
I ignored those two minions and replied to my date, “It’s nice meeting you as well.”
We walked into the restaurant and settled in at the bar. As I crossed my legs, he complimented me on my shoes (I was wearing a pair of peep toe patent leather pumps with pencil heels). My date started talking about his career as an accounting professor, his grad school studies, his thesis and his challenges teaching. As he spoke, I noticed despite having skin issues, he was moderately attractive with full pouty lip and a nice athletic build. I had to make a conscious effort to focus on his pseudo-Malcolm X glasses instead of staring at his pimples.
The waiter came to take our order and I began to share details of my career in advertising and some new restaurants and events I was looking forward to attending this spring. His head tilted downward, and then he swiftly looked up and complimented me on my toe nail polish. Ah, I have a feeling that someone has a foot fetish. Scary thought, I can’t remotely imagine him sucking my toes. The food arrived and, as I bowed my head to pray, he grabbed my hand nervously and blessed the food. It was exceedingly endearing.
“Back in college, you would not have considered dating me,” he randomly proclaimed.
“I was a nerd,” he added.
I wanted to say, “No shit, Sherlock”, regarding the nerd comment. But I decided to hold my tongue.
“You’re not exactly right. I’ve always dated nerds” I replied. “Some were cool, some were not so cool. But, that’s who I typically dated.”
His face lit up. Oh shit, did I just give him a false sense of hope? But what I said was true. My fondness for nerds is real.
“What do you think of me so far?” he queried.
Wow, this is a first.
I pondered over his question for a few seconds. His sense of urgency was unnerving. He appeared to be a nice guy, but there was nothing about him that made me want to see him again. What am I supposed to say?
“You’re cool,” is all that I could muster.
Surprisingly, he did not respond. We finished our meals and the small talk began to lessen. He reminded me that my lunch break was over and I should head back to the office. I gave him the obligatory hug and thanked him for my meal, grateful that the pimples refrained from speaking to me any further. They must have been disappointed as well.
My apologies, number eleven, it just wasn’t a good fit.